by Jody Johnson

"God comes to us disguised as our lives." –Richard Rohr

Just as thoughts must be released not once, but over and over again during contemplative prayer, so our human weaknesses and flaws must be recognized, acknowledged, and surrendered again and again in our daily lives. Perhaps this is why Jesus does not say, "Lay down your cross and follow me," but "Take up your cross and follow me." The Christian path of self-renunciation and deepening interdependence with God and others is a lifelong journey. Francis de Sales knew this and counseled Jane de Chantal, against her will, to return to and embrace the circumstances of her own life. Seeking visions and "ecstasies," Jane wanted to disappear into God, but Francis proposed instead an "ecstasy of love" lived out in humble service to others. Otherwise, her faith would remain a mere abstraction or sentiment.

"In our vulnerability we break open the compassionate heart of God in others and for others." –Jody Johnson

I encounter the limits of my solitude in an unexpected way in my own particular circumstances. I've moved to an urban monastery in Phoenix, much like our own Visitation Monastery, to continue my retreat. The vibrant community life hums all around, complete with its shadow economy: an impromptu barbershop is set up on the patio of my retreat house; a neighborhood 'restaurant' springs up in someone's garage on weekends and vanishes by Monday.

My retreat house sits at a distance from the main house. I am alone, by design, and during the day the solitude is nourishing. But as darkness sets in on my first night, I feel afraid. I try to recall the day’s scenes that bespeak a tight-knit and safe community, but it is not enough. I pick up the phone and call the main house. Sister Lydia answers. I explain what is happening and ask if I can spend the night there. "Sure, come right over," she says. Still, I feel weak and stupid, lacking in faith. If Jane’s spiritual challenge was her strong will, mine is pride, a close cousin. I gather my things, walk to the house, and sheepishly ring the doorbell. I’m greeted with a warm "Come right in; I'll show you to your room." No questions asked. This simple act of hospitality is laden with compassion and mercy, and I see clearly in this moment that I am called to do the same for others.

In our vulnerability we break open the compassionate heart of God in others and for others. Giving and receiving become one as part of God’s lived life in the world. Echoing Francis de Sales’ thoughts almost four centuries later, Thomas Keating says, "A new asceticism for people of good will might be the practice of goodness; that is, just being good to everybody." I am ready to return home, to my life.

Live Jesus. Love now.

Jody Johnson is an oblate and formation director at Visitation Monastery in Minneapolis. She wrote her "In The Desert" series while on a two week study and prayer sabbatical. Jody also teaches contemplative practice and spiritual formation at United Theological Seminary of the Twin Cities. This article is cross-posted from Jody's blog, with her permission.

From biblical times through the modern day, Christians have asserted that the practice of prayer is essential to the life of discipleship. Unfortunately, prayer can also become a source of shame and inadequacy. Who among us doesn’t feel that our prayer life isn’t what it should be?

Take this week, for example, as I found it particularly difficult to pray. I was having trouble quieting down, I couldn’t focus well on what I was reading, and even my journaling felt a bit too forced. After a couple mornings of this, I realized that my attempts to try harder were only making matters worse. We all experience something like this from time to time.

I remember 50 years ago riding in an UH-34D helicopter heading west over the South China Sea. A clear blue morning greets me under a cloudless sky. We are U.S. Marines heading for the landing zone in Chu Lai, Vietnam. I’m wondering if I will see my 20th birthday in 22 days or even my 21st birthday. I’m carrying a PRC-10 radio on my back and holding an M-14 in my hands straddled between my legs. I land without enemy fire. Marines move out to secure the area. Our strategy is to secure the area around the future airstrip. We dig in, setting up a defensive perimeter for the night. Our May 7th landing ends without casualties.

This is how I remember my first day in Viet Nam. My tour of duty was filled with lots of radio watch, night patrols, digging latrines, hilltop relay stations, sweeping operations clearing out Viet Cong from around the Marine Airstrip. We, the 1st Battalion 4th Marines swept the surrounding area near the airstrip flushing out Viet Cong to prevent them from attacking airstrip.

Though I walk thru the valley of booby traps and land mines, I feared no evil. Well, not exactly...

As Carol Quest and I step down as Co-Coordinators of MN Contemplative Outreach I am filled with an overflowing of gratitude, joy and humility.  I wonder, "How did I ever come to be a co-coordinator?" There was no grand 20 year plan nor any goals set on my part which is the usual advice given to people. Little did I know the first time I learned of Centering Prayer that the prayer would become integral to my life and that the people I met would become united in my heart. As I began my centering prayer practice filled with struggles to be still I had no clue as to what could unfold as the Spirit worked in me. Along the way I met wonderful centering prayer practitioners who encouraged me and helped me stay faithful to the practice. Now it is overwhelming to be with all of you and see the first servant leaders, the current servant leaders, and the new leaders. What joy to witness the transition of leadership to two new wonderful co-coordinators and to think of those who worked before and those who will continue the work so that Centering Prayer may be available. Seeing the new leaders and the leadership team continue the work to implement the vision of transformation in Christ fills me with hope for all that is to come.

It is of course with greater clarity that I look at my journey past than to what lies ahead. As did those who preceded us, Carol and I endeavored to maintain and promote the teaching and practice of Centering Prayer. As we planned, we prayed to remain open to the work of the Spirit. When the guidelines for preparing presenters of centering prayer changed, we were able to adjust the use of grant funds and have more new presenters.  Much more was accomplished than we had even imagined! So as we vision and plan for the future it is good to remember the Spirit is leading and doing the work in the hearts of all of us.

TODAY - being present to the NOW of Today - is one of the teachings that I apparently need to learn and relearn. For me becoming a servant leader was a step by step daily practice. The path unfolded led by the Spirit from practicing centering prayer, to presenting centering prayer, to working to implement enrichment days, retreats and leader training. My journey has been one of prayer, listening, being nudged and doing each day that which I could do to live my life rooted in God. My aim is to step into the world each day trusting in the boundless love of God and attempting to welcome all people with "utmost charity and love." Of course, this is easier said than done, so it is the returning each day to the practice of centering prayer — returning "ever so gently" — that helps me be open to the loving prompting of the Spirit. I am so thankful for all of you who by your prayer practice support not only me but all you meet.